Early in my pregnancy, my doctor gave us the due date of August 29th. This date was so special because it's also my dad's birthday. We kept saying how neat it would be if our baby and her grandpa got to be birthday buddies! As we got further in the pregnancy, though, we started to wonder if this date would pose a problem. I know, I know - how could any particular day be a problem? Well, it turns out that my insurance renewed on September 1st, just three days after our due date. I had already paid off my deductible from the previous year and any hospital time after August 31st would count toward the new deductible (meaning insurance would cover less...) After talking to my doctor, she suggested inducing on my due date if I hadn't already gone into labor. I hoped to start labor on my own and not use any medication, but we agreed that an induction would be best to save money for our new family.
Skip forward to the end of August. Wednesday the 22nd we had our 39 week prenatal appointment. Dr. Manning checked me and it looked like our baby was just as comfy as she could be inside me. I wasn't dilated very far and she was not engaged at all. We decided to go ahead and plan for the induction the following Monday night.
On Monday, I had an appointment at 3:45 pm to have a balloon catheter inserted into my cervix to stretch it and prep for labor. Trust me when I say, this was not a comfortable procedure! I will spare you the details, but I hope that was a one-time thing and doesn't have to happen again! In some cases, this is all that is needed to start labor and the mother's body takes over and does the rest. Not my body. The catheter did what it was supposed to, but nothing more. We checked into the hospital, catheter and all, and spent our first of many nights there. Every time I had thought about giving birth, I never imagined we would have plenty of time to pack our hospital bag, just stroll into the hospital, and casually change into a hospital gown. No, this was not anything like I had planned. However, it was nice to go at a relaxed pace. Just not like I thought it would be.
Tuesday morning at 5:00, our nurse Sally came in, woke me up and said we would be starting the pitocin soon. I'm not going to lie. I was really nervous about the pitocin. I had hear that it would increase the contractions and make them closer together. On one hand, I was optimistic because this might kick it in gear and we'd get to meet our daughter sooner. I was also scared, though, because this was it. No turning back! We went ahead and started the pitocin and waited to see what happened.
At 8:30 am, Dr. Manning came in and checked me. I had only progressed to 4 cm so she broke my water to help me along. Around this time, Eli's mom and my mom showed up to the hospital. Little did they know they were in for a LONG day!
For the next several hours we played a long, drawn out waiting game. The pitocin had kicked in and contractions were pretty strong already. Going into it, I knew contractions would be painful, but it's not something you can really describe until you have gone through it.
Right before noon both of our dads came and joined our moms in the waiting room. We are so blessed to have such a wonderful family to support and love us. They stayed with us and continued to encourage us throughout the day. Eli was my constant supporter all day, holding my hand when contractions became very painful, encouraging me when I thought I couldn't do it, and reminding me that our baby girl would be with us soon. Looking back now the pain was all worth it to have our daughter here and healthy, but this was by far the worst pain I have been in in my life. I tried laying in bed to fight through the contractions, but the pain in my back was too much. We brought an exercise ball with us, which helped. I sat and rocked on the ball for several hours, standing up every now and then when I could. But most of the time I rocked on the ball and held (squeezed the life out of) Eli's hands. My mom came in a few times to relieve Eli and comfort me. I needed her there and was so thankful for her. Other than those times, Eli stayed right by my side all day. He was my constant, my anchor. I could not imagine going through this without his encouragement and support.
Sally, our nurse, continued to check on me all afternoon, showing very little progress at all. My contractions were right on top of each other, coming about every two minutes and growing stronger and stronger. I was still only dilated to a 5 by 4 pm. I did not want to use an epidural, trying to keep everything as natural as I could. I knew my body was made for this and I wanted to be able to go through the process without interventions. But since I didn't start contractions on my own, and my body wasn't completely ready for labor, the contractions were stronger than they would have been without pitocin. Sally took me off the pitocin for a little bit to see if my body would take over, but the contractions only got further apart and slightly less intense. The opposite of what we needed to happen.
At 5 pm, Sally checked and I was dilated 5 cm, 90% effaced, and Sarah was at +1 station (she would need to be -4 to be born). At this point, I had been laboring very intensely for almost 12 hours and so discouraged that my body wasn't cooperating. It was starting to sink in that we might have to try more intervention to have this baby. My other nurse told me at this point I could expect to progress one centimeter for each hour of labor. But only if my body cooperated. I was so exhausted, physically and mentally, and I wasn't sure I could make it 5 more hours with this much pain. Eli and I prayed about it and decided around 6 that it was the right time to get an epidural. At 6:30 the anesthesiologist came in and gave me the best relief I could ask for. As much as I didn't want an epidural, I could finally rest and hope that while my body relaxed, it would make more progress.
Unfortunately, when my doctor came back to check on me, my body was still not working like we had hoped. By 10 o'clock that night, I had topped out at 7.5 cm and Sarah was still not ready to come out. Her heart rate was fine, but her activity level had dropped. The nurses didn't show worry, but the pace and emotion in the room quickened a little and I was put on oxygen to wake Sarah up and get her moving. Dr. Manning mentioned a c-section for the first time at this point, but said we would up the pitocin quite a bit and watch for a couple more hours. I wasn't feeling any pain due to the epidural, but Eli and I were both scared at our next steps to have Sarah. I began to worry. What if something happens? What if she's not okay? What if I have to have a c-section? We literally poured our hearts out to the Lord, praying for strength and peace. We didn't understand what was going on, but we had to trust that God was in control.
I'm sitting here right now, tearing up as I remember how hard those few hours were. The emotions and anxiety I felt then were stronger than the pain I had felt earlier. I did not want to have a c-section, but more than that I just wanted my baby to be healthy and safe. I was reminded of the story in the Bible of the boy who was demon possessed. His father begged Jesus to heal his son. He spoke a powerful line, "I do believe. Help me overcome my unbelief." I felt his pain at that point. I knew Father could protect Sarah, but I struggled to fully grasp it. I don't think I have prayed as hard as I did that night. But we are told to cast ALL our cares on him because he cares for us. And he did protect us.
My plans for this birth were simple: go into labor on my own, push through contractions without an epidural, and have a natural birth. The funny thing is, nothing happened like we planned.
But God's plans are bigger.
At 1:00 Wednesday morning, Dr. Manning came in my room one last time to check me. My mom and mother-in-law had come in to relieve Eli and keep me company. I asked them to step in the hallway while I was checked. I was still at a 7.5 and had not made any progress since 10 pm. She looked at me and said very calmly, "I think it's time to have a birthday party for this girl. We need to do a c-section." I just remember feeling alone and a little helpless. I asked for Eli to come back and when he did, the nurses threw a gown, hair net, and foot covers at him. He was just as shocked as I was and had no idea what was going on, but we knew this was the best thing for Sarah.
I was wheeled down the hallway to the OR and prepped for my surgery. Every emotion rushed through me as I realized what was about to happen. But God was in control. Eli had to wait outside while they made the first incision to make sure I was completely numbed. When Eli was allowed to come back in, my emotions switched from anxiety and worry to excitement and anticipation. My whole body was shaking from the adrenaline and pitocin running through my body, but I trusted my doctors and nurses. I knew everything would be okay. It also helped a lot that the whole operating team was singing to Bon Jovi on the radio and talking about their weekend plans!
After what seemed like hours but was actually only a few minutes, Dr. Manning said, "Alright, you're going to feel a lot of pressure..." The next thing I heard was the most beautiful, loud cry from Sarah as they pulled her out. She was here! At 1:59 am on August 29th, Sarah Elizabeth Jackson entered the world. My heart swelled with more love than I knew I was capable of. I was now a mom.
As they were cleaning me and stitching me up, one nurse asked Eli if he wanted to go see her and take pictures while they cleaned her up. I'm so glad he got these!
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| She had some great lungs right from the start! |
I could hear everything going on, but I hadn't gotten to see Sarah yet because of the silly curtain in my face. Finally, Eli was allowed to bring her over by my head. I was so in love. In love with our beautiful daughter and in love with Eli, seeing him as a Daddy for the first time.
Our first time as a family of three.
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| Our sweet baby girl |
Eli, Sarah, and the nurses went to the recovery room while the doctors finished working on me. Around 2:30, I got to see Sarah and hold her finally. This was such a precious time that I will never forget. My mom told me earlier that I would forget all the pain as soon as I got to hold her. While I still remember the pain, it was definitely all worth it for her!
I was worried about having a c-section, but I am reminded every time I see my incision scar of the fight I fought for my child. I guess you could say it is my little battle scar. It is something that is very important to me and it reminds me that we belong together and God is always in control, whether we see it or not.
After it was all finished, nothing went the way we planned, but like I've said and I'll keep saying it, God's plan is so much bigger.
My precious Sarah,
I cannot explain how blessed your Daddy and I are to have you here with us finally. Your birth day was one of the most challenging, yet absolutely wonderful days in our life so far. Our love for you is something we will never be able to explain or comprehend. And it will only grow stronger. We have been praying for you for over two years and will continue to pray as you grow into the beautiful, smart, godly woman God designed you to be. Thank you for making us parents and for being patient as we learn how to raise you. I am excited to watch you grow and spend life in awe of our God who created you so perfectly for our little family. We love you more than you know.
Love always, Momma
